Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
