well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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