if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
