i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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