just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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