I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
