i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
