my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We just shotgunned beers for America
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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