I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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