We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
God, I missed his penis.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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