i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
