I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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