Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
