he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
