it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
