i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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