I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
