I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
