birth control should be required to get into college
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize