home. puking in laundry basket.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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