In the future we'll all be gay
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
