is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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