1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
