my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
