I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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