he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
