if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
