its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
