come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
