my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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