I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
