But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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