proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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