i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
