I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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