Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
