Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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