i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
