You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
