Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
