I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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