Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
