How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
