Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
