I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
