if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
