She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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