my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
