Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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