I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
