we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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