What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
