Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize