I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
farters have to be the big spoon...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
