was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I love having hate sex.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
