I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
