You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
