The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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