physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
