God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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