dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
