Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
be right there i have to get my cape
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
