can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i drank out of a bidet.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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