Whod you bang
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
