I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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