he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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