I'd wear matching sweaters with you
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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