Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
