yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
