i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
