My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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