I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
