they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
