Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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