There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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