He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
